July Movie Reviews

AMERICAN TEEN: If shows like Laguna Beach and The Hills are what make us hate today’s teenagers, this film is the antidote that reminds us that we used to be teenagers too. And while we may be worthy of some gentle mockery, there’s no need for outright scorn, especially when focused through the lives of this documentary’s stars. Playing off the archetypes of John Hughes’ The Breakfast Club, we’re introduced to five high school seniors in Warsaw, Indiana: Hannah (a rebel), Colin (a jock), Jake (a geek), Megan (a princess) and Mitch (a heartthrob).  A fictionalized tale involving these five kinds of characters would be a waste of time, but through the unpredictability allowed by a documentary, we’re allowed to see each of these leads as fully realized people.  You’ll see shades of yourself and your friends in them, but the film attempts to be as objective as possible.  We watch as some of the students grow as people over the year, while others don’t learn anything.  There are moments where director Nanette Burnstein attempts to choreograph scenes a little too tightly, like when there’s a big important game and talent scouts will be there, but Colin is being too much of a ball-hog.  Thankfully, stumbles like these are few and, for the most part, we get to see this youth culture honestly, with a wonderful eye not only towards personality, but towards setting. The film is temporal in showing how these kids are so adept at using technology to social ends (one girl is brutally humiliated when a topless photo finds its way throughout the entire school), but it also has many universal themes, such as parents’ hopes and fears for their children, the need for teens to establish independence, and the idea that young love may be fleeting, but that doesn’t make it frivolous.  There’s a great sense of humor that runs throughout the film, and it’s to Burnstein’s credit that the laughs are always supportive. We’re constantly reminded that the children are our future.  American Teen makes that notion somewhat less horrifying.  GRADE: B+ –Matt Goldberg

BIGGER, STRONGER, FASTER: These are the facts about anabolic steroids, as reported in Bigger, Stronger, Faster: 1) Tobacco killed 435,000 people last year. Alcohol was responsible for 75,000. Steroids, three; 2) Steroids are only the #142 most common reason people go to the emergency room; 3) Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone and Hulk Hogan are phonies; 4) People hate on steroids without any formal knowledge on the subject. Chris Bell, the Michael Moore-motivated director of this informative documentary, doesn’t claim that artificial enhancers are faultless. In fact, he delves into some touchy accounts with his own family that explain how lies about drug usage and the false dreams that come with the muscles can shatter a home. But he is suggesting that the uninformed masses and blood-seeking politicians stop and count to 10 before starting another witch hunt at the local gym or high school football field. And speaking of Washington D.C., you won’t know what’s more amazing, the absolute obliviousness of Senator Harry Waxman– the central character in the Mark McGwire/Capitol Hill mess– or how Bell is even able to get a camera into the man’s office. Beyond the easy-flowing, often-comical pace of the film, the breadth of interviews is the strongest aspect of Bigger. Feuding former track stars Ben Johnson and Carl Lewis, Marvel Comics icon Stan Lee, a former U.S. Olympic insider, a father mourning his steroids-using son’s death and many others shed light on both sides of a subject the public has been left in the dark on for far too long. GRADE: B+ –DeMarco Williams

THE CHILDREN OF HUANG SHI: A young English journalist gets more than he bargained for during the Second Sino-Japanese War in this drama directed by Roger Spottiswoode, based on the life of adventurer George Hogg. In December 1937, Hogg, played by talented young actor Jonathan Rhys Meyers, impersonates a Red Cross driver and makes his way into the city of Nanjing. The Japanese have invaded and occupied China, and soon after his arrival he photographs Japanese soldiers massacring 200 people. Upon being captured and questioned by the Japanese, his photos are discovered and he is nearly beheaded when Chinese guerillas, led by Chen Hansheng (Chow Yun Fat), come to his rescue. Rhys Meyers shows again, as he did in 2005’s Match Point, that he is a likely future star if he continues choosing the right roles. Yun Fat displays an acting talent here that may have gone unnoticed in his many action roles. The third important character is Lee Pearson (Radha Mitchell), a self-trained American nurse who treats Hogg for injuries and suggests he recuperate in Huang Shi, a decrepit schoolhouse that houses 60 boys. The chemistry between Hogg and Lee eventually leads to a genuinely touching love affair in the midst of this civil war. The boys don’t exactly welcome him with open arms, preferring instead to attack him on his first night in the schoolhouse before he’s once again saved by a visitor, this time Lee bringing supplies. Eventually he wins over the boys, not only repairing Huang Shi’s generator, building a basketball court and planting a garden but also acting as their teacher. Unfortunately, their contentment is disrupted when Chen arrives and informs Hoggs that the Japanese are advancing and young children are being recruited for the Chinese Nationals’ army. Hogg formulates an escape plan that will require them to travel hundreds of miles to the village at the western end of the Gobi Desert. This section of the film, which finds Hogg, Lee and the orphans confronting 10,000-foot mountains and treacherous winter conditions, is very exciting. The film’s cinematography is beautiful; it was worth Spottiswoode’s effort to film on location in China. One area that could have better developed is the impact Hoggs has on the boys as a classroom teacher. While the significance is understood, the lessons learned feel glossed over. Like all films based on true stories, it’s hard to say how much of the onscreen material actually happened and how much is the product of invention. What can be said is that the story of George Hogg’s heroic rescue makes for an entertaining movie.  GRADE: B –Ryan Loftis

GET SMART: It was inevitable that the Hollywood Remake Machine would get around to Mel Brooks’ and Buck Henry’s goofy spy satire, the cult staple of late-60s television.  Steve Carrell (The Office, 40-Year-Old Virgin) steps into the late Don Adams’ telephone-equipped shoes as Maxwell Smart.  Smart is an intelligence analyst and wannabe field agent for the super-secret government agency CONTROL, which for decades has kept terrorist organization KAOS in check.  When an inside job leaves CONTROL HQ in ruins, Smart is promoted and teamed with veteran Agent 99 (played by doe-eyed Anne Hathaway) to find KAOS head-man Siegfried (Terence Stamp) and bring him down for good.  Carrell eschews a straight-up Adams impression and delivers a Smart whose main thesis is “Terrorists are people, too,” and who subjects his fellow analysts to long, tedious briefings. Carrell’s Smart is not so much a nebbish as a dysfunctional genius – he’s physically capable, fearless and intelligent, but his frequent overconfidence and misjudgments prevent him from achieving greatness (except by accident).  In the age of Jason Bourne and the savage new blonde Bond, hair-raising chases and tightly choreographed fight scenes are indispensable elements of any 21st century spy flick, and it is here that this film delivers.  But this is a comedy, and alas, it’s a hit-and-miss affair.  The film manages to include many of the original show’s iconic gadgets, like the phone booth elevator, the never-ending gauntlet of elaborate steel doors, and the ineffective Cone of Silence – and the way Adams’ vintage shoe-phone, conservative suit and red Sunbeam convertible are incorporated into the story is particularly inspired.  During the course of the film Carrell delivers most of Smart’s signature catchphrases (“Sorry about that, Chief”; “…and loving it!”, and the improbable “Would you believe…?” bluffs), but many of these gags are either poorly delivered or flat-out unfunny.  Hathaway, on the other hand, is funny, as is the surprisingly hilarious Dwayne Johnson as Agent 23.  Look for Alan Arkin as the Chief, with cameos by Masi Oka (Heroes), Patrick Warburton as Hymie the robot, Bernie Koppell (who was the original show’s Siegfried) as a carjack victim, and James Caan as the President.  In the words of the late, great Adams, “Missed it by that much!”  GRADE: C –John C. Snider

HANCOCK: For over a decade Will Smith has been synonymous with July 4th blockbusters, and this latest film may be his best summer offering since the original Men in Black.  Smith plays the eponymous superhero, an amnesiac alcoholic (and possibly an alien) whose misbegotten rescues in present-day LA cause as much harm as good.  One such escapade saves the life of Ray (Jason Bateman), a public relations expert struggling to launch a humanitarian non-profit coalition with the ambitious goal of saving the world.  An eternal optimist, Ray sees past Hancock’s grumpiness and grime, and convinces him to turn over a new leaf.  Charlize Theron co-stars as Ray’s protective wife Mary.  Hancock is far more serious than the early trailers would indicate, but its gravity is leavened with plenty of comic relief.  The action is jaw-dropping and the special effects nearly flawless.  Smith delivers an excellent performance, alternately cocky and vulnerable, and proves once again that his talent, combined with a good eye for scripts, can reliably deliver $100 million domestic box office. Bateman adds another star to his five-year comeback, and while Theron doesn’t stretch much dramatic muscle, she recovers some sci-fi cred after the disastrous Aeon Flux.  Hancock is the best stand-alone (i.e. not adapted from a comic book) superhero film since The Incredibles.  A number of unanswered questions linger, suggesting the possibility of a sequel.  See it sooner rather than later, before some loudmouth spoils the big surprise, and stick around for an “easter egg” in the credits. GRADE: A –John C. Snider

THE HAPPENING: Please, a moment of silence for M. Night Shyamalan’s career... Though the priest has been tweaking his eulogy through a string of the director’s recent works (Signs, The Village and the tragically awful Lady in the Water) he can officially commence with the funeral now. The Happening is a disaster. Actually, its dreary premise –some mysterious airborne agent leaves people in the Northeast with a short-circuited brain that makes them suicidal- is kooky but tolerable. And its stars, Mark Wahlberg and Zooey Deschanel, are respectable. Sadly, everything else about the film is put together with the intricacy of toilet paper from Dollar General. The weird happenings start in Central Park, but they blow their way over to Philly in a hurry. Those fortunate to get on the first train out of town do just that. Of course, Elliot (Wahlberg), his wife (Deschanel), good friend Julian (John Leguizamo) and his daughter find a seat. The locomotive loses outside communication and is forced to stop in a small town. The scared many gather at a diner. When word gets to them that the terrorist gas, nuclear exhaust, plant toxin or whatever it may be is headed their way, everyone scatters for their cars… Wait, cars?! Weren’t they just on a train? And if that weren’t skin irritating enough, Elliot manages a wardrobe change halfway in, even though he’s been running through grassy Pennsylvania fields all day without anything resembling luggage by his side. Logic, be damned! Beyond those inexcusable sequential missteps, Shyamalan also fails to enthrall creatively. Scenes where the infected kill themselves are stupid, not scary. When the camera does that M. Night trademarked follow-the-beaded-eyes thing, there’s rarely anything worth caring about at the other end. And those slick endings dude is known for? Man, Titanic has a more complex finish. But hey, at least there’s blood in Shyamalan’s first R-rated feature. Ironically though, nothing dies more spectacularly than the odds of M. Night ever shaking the one-trick pony tag attached to his name. GRADE: F –DeMarco Williams

THE INCREDIBLE HULK: Ang Lee's 2003 film was, by most accounts, a disappointment. Watching director Louis Leterrier's attempt at a redo, it's clear that The Incredible Hulk is the film everyone wanted, but it does make me slightly wistful for Lee's noble failure. This is an incredibly fast film, clocking in at under 100 minutes.  Leterrier gets us up to date on everything we need to know about Bruce Banner, his origin and the fact that we're divorced from the 2003 version, all in the span of the opening credits.  We're then transplanted to Brazil, where Banner (Edward Norton) is trying to remain as incognito as a white guy can in that part of the world. He’s communicating with a mysterious "Mr. Blue," who can perhaps find an antidote and stop Bruce's outbursts. The film goes a little Speed and gives Bruce a heart-rate monitor that can't go above 200 beats per minute or else it's time for the angry green guy to come out and play.  But at its core, The Incredible Hulk is a fugitive flick with chases that result in the title character rising to the surface. There are no deep examinations of repressed rage or parental neglect.  If the film does have a theme, it's an odd meditation on manliness, where the primal, pre-modern man is the enemy (embodied by The Hulk, Emil Blonsky/The Abomination, and General Ross) and the post-modern, touchy-feely, practically impotent guy (Bruce can't have sex because it would push him past 200bpm) is the hero.  Then again, the film doesn't engage us on this subtext; it engages us when Hulk Smash. And oh, does Hulk Smash. The film only has three set pieces, but it does all of them very well.  Leterrier is very good at capturing the transformation, and writer Zak Penn has cooked up a great antagonist in Blonsky (Tim Roth in a sneaky-but-brilliant casting move).  The Abomination has no grand agenda beyond testing his personal strength against the Hulk, and while we don't want him to win, you have to give it up for a guy that approaches a giant green monster, looks up and asks, "Is that all ya got?"  What prevents this from being a superhero debut (or redux, depending on your viewpoint) on the level of Iron Man is that it doesn't take any chances. The film knows exactly what the audience wants, and does its best in giving it to them.  Unfortunately, this leads to a few tiresome winks, with cameos by Lou Ferrigno, old television footage of Bill Bixby, that incredibly sad song from the TV show, and so forth.  I think it's nice that they pay homage to the character's history in media, but it just doesn't play as smoothly as I'd like. Still, this is the film Universal wanted in 2003.  They wanted a movie that could start a franchise, and if it doesn't happen this time around, it won't be the film’s fault. GRADE: B –Matt Goldberg

INDIANA JONES & THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL: If Hollywood had the good sense God gave a mule, they’d strip George Lucas of his Writer’s Guild membership, take a light saber to his laptop and freeze any heretofore unproduced scripts in carbonite. Which is a polite way of saying that the Star Wars mastermind’s story (not to mention David Koepp’s screenplay) for this sequel is full of so much horseshit, I half expected to see the gun-slinging ghosts of John Wayne and Jack Palance walking through a scene at any given moment. Which, come to think of it, would actually have been slightly more believable than this half-baked hogwash about an alien artifact found in a crate in a warehouse at Area 51, which will somehow imbue its owner with knowledge of… well, everything there is to know. Nineteen years in the making and THIS is the cleverest concept they could come up with? But that’s not to say that the film is without its simple pleasures. For one, there’s Harrison Ford as arguably the greatest action movie character of all time. Charmingly surly and wearing his advancing age like a comfy leather coat, Ford’s return to the role of archaeologist/adventurer Jones is his most enjoyable turn in over a decade, reminding us of a time when smartass bad boys were not yet the cliché they’ve become today. Secondly, there’s Shia LaBeouf as the James Dean/Marlon Brando-influenced rebel who enlists Dr. Jones’ help to recover the titular artifact. It’s hard to imagine another young actor so capable of holding his own against one of the most iconic characters of the 20th century. Then there’s Karen Allen as long-lost Indy flame Marion Ravenwood, who remains as spunky a broad as the 1950s could possibly produce. And lastly, there’s director Steven Spielberg, who proves he can still shoot a popcorn movie action set piece with the best of ‘em. In truth, there are a number of thrilling sequences here that rank among the best in the venerable series, but there are also a few so ridiculously impossible to believe that it will complexly take you out of the movie (Monkeys? Landing in the tree? Really?!?!), even if you are willing to suspend disbelief buy into the whole Close Encounters-meets-Raiders of the Lost Ark concept. The fact is that Kingdom of the Crystal Skull winds up being a modestly enjoyable flick in spite of its ridiculous Cold War-era storyline (replete with Cate Blanchett as a Russian baddie not even Rocky & Bullwinkle would believe), not because of it. And if Spielberg & Co. plan on carrying this beloved franchise forward– perhaps with LaBeouf taking center stage and Ford stepping into a supporting role– they need to consider letting some fresh blood revive the franchise with a storyline that doesn’t feel like it was cobbled together from elements of its creators’ past successes. GRADE: C+ –B. Love

JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH: According to the movie, “Vernians” are people who take the literary works of famed science fiction writer Jules Verne as gospel. Mysterious Island and Around the World in 80 Days may come off pure fantasy to you, but to some, the tomes are founded in something very real. Journey to the Center of the Earth makes Vernians out of two scientists here. One of which happens to be the brother of Trevor (Brendan Fraser), a kinda goofy guy struggling with lagging attendance in his science class and pulled funds from his volcano research project. One night Trevor’s showing his lab to a visiting nephew and some reading on the monitor gets the white coat into a tizzy. After purchasing two airline tickets to Iceland with quarters he’s been collecting –Hey, the flick is for your 10-year-old brother. Jeez!- the two are seen at the base of a volcano, with a beautiful guide (Anita Briem) at their side. As they make their way in, be certain your 3-D glasses are on tight because the sights to behold on the other end are quite the visual feat. Director Eric Brevig (visual effects supervisor for movies like The Day After Tomorrow) makes a point to ensure that every splash of water and lunge of creature goes with the story and isn’t simply tossed in to raise the Oooh bar. But 22nd century technology or not, Fraser’s acting still doesn’t jump out at you. Still, we’d be lying if we didn’t say the man was made for campy action flicks like this though. Kids too green for The Mummy are going to love this Journey. And who knows? This may even help stir up another generation of Verne readers. They should check out 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea next. This film hints at 3-D glasses going underwater if there’s a sequel. GRADE: B- –DeMarco Williams

KUNG FU PANDA: As the title suggests, this delightful animated movie focuses on a panda named Po (voice of Jack Black) who dreams of being a kung fu warrior, but is relegated to waiting tables at his father’s noodle-themed restaurant. (How a duck can have a panda for a son is never explained.) Unbeknownst to him, a new dragon warrior is about to be chosen, and when Po literally crashes the ceremony he somehow finds himself selected. He is thrilled to work alongside the elite Furious Five and their leader, Master Shifu (voice of Dustin Hoffman), although they make no secret of their scorn towards him. Master Tigress (Angelina Jolie) in particular takes an instant dislike to the chubby panda. Adding to their problems is the prison escape of Tai Lung (Ian McShane), a ferocious snow leopard and former prodigy of Master Shifu’s who is coming to claim the title of dragon warrior for himself. Kung Fu Panda is easily better than the two most recent Shrek movies (which were also released by DreamWorks Animation), and will almost certainly be nominated for a Best Animated Feature Oscar come February. Jack Black was the perfect choice to voice Po, bringing his trademark playfulness and bursts of intensity to the character while thankfully avoiding going as over-the-top as he sometimes does in live-action films. Hoffman makes Master Shifu sound more convincing than you would ever expect in a cartoon as a wise, weary old teacher, and Jolie successfully translates the gritty characters she often plays into the personality of the resentful Master Tigress. There are some good laughs in Kung Fu Panda, mostly coming from Po’s attempts to fit into the martial arts world, and also plenty of suspense. Tai Lung is a fearsome enemy who will no doubt inspire dread in some of the audience’s youngest members. Like the best kids’ movies, Kung Fu Panda doesn’t water down the action due to fear of offending a ticket buyer. Adults will enjoy the movie, too, not only for the outstanding visuals and funny characters but also for its positive messages about believing in yourself and chasing your dreams. Po is truly an underdog, and that’s something anyone who sees the movie will understand and appreciate. The fact that he’s so endearing helps, too. The families who will no doubt make Kung Fu Panda a hit are in for a treat. GRADE: A- –Ryan Loftis

THE LOVE GURU: In a recent interview, Mike Myers said that “like Carl Sagan is to physics, Deepak [Chopra] is to philosophy.”  What can I say?  The man has become unhinged.  To further confirm his disconnect from reality, the creator of Austin Powers brings us American-born, Indian-raised Guru Maurice Pitka (Myers), who chafes at being a distant second to spiritual baloney peddler Deepak Chopra.  Pitka sees his chance at fame (and a guest spot on Oprah) when he’s brought in by Jane Bullard (Jessica Alba), the owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey team, to help reconcile the rocky marriage of star player Darren Roanoke (Romany Malco) and wife Prudence (Meagan Good), who’s left her husband for Darren’s nemesis, the well-endowed Canadian bad-boy Jacques Grande (Justin Timberlake).  The Love Guru isn’t quite the insult to Hindu beliefs that some pre-release protestors have claimed; it’s more a send-up of celebrity flirtation with Eastern mysticism and New Age folderol.  Not a bad starting point, but Myers tries too hard - with his fast-and-furious winking, mugging and incessant non sequiturs, he comes across like Robin Williams on a 90-minute spaz-out.  The movie is at its most painful when his co-stars are required to laugh in-character at the Guru’s antics.  Malco, Alba and Timberlake (plus Sir Ben Kingsley and Austin Powers veteran Verne Troyer) gamely give their all, but this is really Myers’ playground (he also co-wrote and co-produced).  The film does have its moments, including a couple of Bollywood-style scenes, and genuinely cute, sitar-fueled covers of pop songs such as “More Than Words,” “9 to 5” and “The Joker.”  The Love Guru, with its unceasing silliness and toilet humor, will appeal mostly to the hardest of hardcore Myers fans.  Oh, and Mariska Hargitay deserves to be sainted. GRADE: C –John C. Snider

THE PROMOTION: This new film from writer/director Steve Conrad wants to be an Alexander Payne movie in the worst way.  Instead, it will have to settle for simply being one of the worst of 2008.  Seann William Scott stars as Doug, a low-level manager at a Chicago grocery store named Donaldson’s.  Donaldson’s has a high standard for itself and, though most of its employees are hardly enthusiastic, Doug is anxious for a promotion. He tells Jenna Fischer, who plays his wife (lucky bastard), that his supervisor thinks he’s a shoe-in.  But that’s until John C. Reilly shows up.  Reilly plays Richard, a conniving family man from Canada who’s vying for the same job.  He has an edge– he already knows the guy who delivers the Pepsi.  Gil Bellows plays a deadly serious executive ready to pounce on the slightest slip-up, who pits the two against one another. Conrad aims for the kind of battle royal between Doug and Richard that we saw with Mathew Broderick and Reese Witherspoon in Election, but alas, he misses.  The uncanny ability the aforementioned Payne has for skewed portrayals of comically immoral characters with low expectations is something Steve Conrad does not possess.  Scott is a talented actor with a rather unusual gift for comedy, but his narration in the film is so dry you can’t tell if he’s really trying. Reilly now finds himself at a rather low point in his career (rue the day he ever met Will Ferrell) and, like the film, is unbalanced at best.  Is he a weasel, or just another of the sincere dopes he often plays?  The Promotion is astoundingly offensive at times.  In his attempt at tastelessness, Conrad finds ways to be mildly racist, to ridicule the mentally challenged and even to mock infants born with cleft palates. The worst offense, however, is that everyone involved– from Fred Armisen to Jason Bateman– thinks they’re so damn funny that they don’t even have to try.  That wouldn’t be so bad if any of them actually were. Conrad ultimately fails to account for one inevitable question: who the F cares about a supermarket promotion anyway? GRADE: D –Mitchell Hughes

WALL•E:  I can't remember a film that was so adorable and accessible, yet so expertly crafted. Though little trash-cubing robot Wall•E is a machine, he's got more humanity than most characters you'll see in any medium in any year, infinitely curious about the world around him and finding magic in the most mundane of objects. Seen through Wall•E's eyes, our planet is not trash, but treasure: The only thing missing is someone to share it with. Then, just as a VHS copy of Hello Dolly is making him feel his loneliness more acutely than ever, a robot goddess descends from the heavens. EVE is sleek, beautiful and on a mission.  She's a little trigger-happy and almost incinerates Wall•E on numerous occasions, but the two eventually strike up an adorable relationship cut all too short when she's taken back to the mothership. The lovestruck Wall•E inevitably follows. Upon docking at the spaceship Axiom, the film meets a new level of commentary more satiric than the universal love story that's come before. Pixar once again shows its gift for witty social observation that's never cynical combined with an inspirational message that's never saccharine.  But the story never forgets its strongest element: the tale of Wall•E and EVE.  It seems ridiculous to say that one of the best love stories of the 21st century is between two robots, but this is a special kind of date movie that can renew your faith in love even if you're singlee. Pixar has done something truly magical here, keeping dialogue to a minimum while painting fully realized characters with absolute economy of storytelling and stunning attention to detail.  What they've conjured is only further enhanced by yet another beautiful score by composer Thomas Newman and cinematography so sublime it will give you chills. I don't know if Wall*E is Pixar's best film to date, but it's undoubtedly the best film I've seen all year. GRADE: A –Matt Goldberg

WANTED: If the Fraternity had its way, baddies like Charles Manson, Pol Pot and the telemarketer who calls at dinnertime to sell you Newsweek subscriptions would be eliminated from the face of the Earth. The Fraternity, a 1,000-year-old organization that somehow gets its orders from a secret code embedded in fabric woven from the heavens, believes that by killing the names in the codes they’re fulfilling fate’s will. Sloan (Morgan Freeman) is the head of the group, and as you’d probably expect, he walks with a purpose and talks as if everything is a Kenyan proverb. “It’s not a question of whom but a question of what,” he tells the newest enlistee, a one-time hapless office droid named Wesley (James McAvoy) whose destiny appears to be avenging his father’s death. What Wesley, Fox (Angelina Jolie) and Gunsmith (Common) actually are is a collective of assassins that have heightened senses once their adrenaline starts to rush. Time slows down. Vision becomes clearer. They’re sorta like Trinity and Neo, but not really. Just like this rapidly-paced film attempts to read like the next chapter in Matrix-y thought and gravity-shifting look. When Morpheus jumped onto moving helicopters and fought atop speeding 18-wheelers, it never looked dumb. Anything seems possible in the future, right? In this present-day action vehicle, bullets laughably travel for miles around moving objects, cars pirouette in the sky and mortals fall several stories in a train accident and never get a scratch. Sure, you’ll have an “Okay, now that was cool” moment. But sadly, you’ll have so many “Don’t take me for a fool” instances from your seat that you’ll kinda wish your own name came up in that hidden code the Frat swears by. GRADE: C

–DeMarco Williams

«HOME